you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
