dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
