All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
