my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
