No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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