from now on my penis is your penis
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I will be naked everywhere
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
