Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
