1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
