Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
