No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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