a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
