omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
