White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
