my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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