Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
