I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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