I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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