I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
