I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
3pm strippers are depressing
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
