Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
