hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
