I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
