I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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