Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
