Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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