Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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