The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
