is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
