U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
