I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
