i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
