Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
