Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
