I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
