Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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