Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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