Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I fill condoms, not promises.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
