i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
