Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
