So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
