Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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