Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My butt remains clenched, sir.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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