i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
