she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
