I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
