So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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