she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Someone signed my nipple.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
