is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
