HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm passing your future prison.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Randomize
