How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
A+ Viking dick
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
