The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
