my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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