So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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