If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
