I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
