Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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