just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
