while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
